Visa Issues and Last Saturday Night

I continue to deal with the challenge of tracking down the reason why Anelya's Visa 37 cable was not properly communicated to the Embassy in Almaty. I spent a good portion of yesterday trying to get the NVC (National Visa Center) to resend the visa, but whoever was reading my e-mails was clearly not reading them. I kept getting the same answer, "The cable was sent to the Embassy on July 10, 2009. Please contact the Embassy/Consulate for further details." I then called my regional USCIS office (immigration) and asked them to resend. "I have confirmed that this was sent to both the NVC and the Embassy, so you should be all set."

By 3p.m. yesterday, I started getting really nervous and emotional. I had to talk myself down, take off my mama hat and put on my old cultural exchange visa magic hat and get to work. So, with the help of numerous variations of underling and bold print, I finally got the message across to USCIS and said "I am writing to tell you that I have reconfirmed with the US Embassy never received the cable dated July 10, 2009. PLEASE RESEND IMMEDIATELY." So, I got names of who had resent the cable yesterday and to whom. Hopefully, Marina will be able to confirm the receipt of this crucial cable on Monday.

I have since put my mama hat back on and I have to say, I am strangely feeling VERY depressed. I know I am leaving in just a few days, but I feel like I have just been away too long already. All of this time has sort of blurred the rock of confidence I was when I got back and now I find old scary questions creeping up. Am I good enough to be Anelya's mother? What if I can never offer her a Daddy? Is that fair? This question is really upsetting me this week and I feel like I need my fellow single Kaz moms, who my Dad has lovingly dubbed "Mamakazies" to rally around me again now. I think I am just emotionally exhausted. It's not natural to be away from your infant for 8 weeks. I am at the end of a very long 2 year rope.

I know all of my sadness and fear will disappear the second I see Anelya again, but until then, I just feel like a pile of anxiety. I need to get on that plane ASAP.

I received confirmation from my travel agent that a bassinet has been reserved for Anelya on the flight from Amsterdam to Boston. YES!!! I cannot reserve on for the first flight, as KLM requires that be done at check in on a first come, first serve basis. So, I have to get to the airport early to be sure she gets a bassinet, even though I am already booked with a bulkhead seat. Please GOD let us get a bassinet.

I am also emotional today because I found out that my friend Tammy will not be walking through customs with us as we have looked forward to for months. Tammy, Bob, Sarah, Kalamkas, Mom, Anelya, and were on the same bonding schedule and we bonded so well with them that they became our extended family. While Tammy will still make it over with us on the way there, her return has been delayed by just a couple of days because of, yet another, paperwork issue. I had so looked forward to walking through customs as a united front and I looked forward to seeing Bob and Sarah there waiting along side my other family and friends. In any case, I am happy that Tammy and I will reunite with our girls together and that we will spend our time in Kazakhstan together again. This may seem strange to many of you, but this has been very hard for me. I love my Tammy/Bob/Sarah family. In any case, the important thing is that we all get our kiddos home safe and sound so we can begin our lives forever.

I have started to think about how hard it will be to leave Kazakhstan. What a wonderful country it is and what a wonderful gift the country has given me. In a way, I feel like I am part Kazakh now, because my daughter is also a daughter of Kazakhstan. I will miss the deep personal connections I made over there, the ludicrous illogical process, and most of all, being with Anelya in the only home she has ever known. I just cannot wait to go back.