Less Than a Week

As I lie here in my bed tonight, it occurs to me that tonight is the last Thursday night I will ever spend in this house as a single unit. Next time I spend a Thursday night in this house "I" will be a "we". As I look around my house, I see how things have already changed. My suitcase, which once was full of designer clothes and comforts of home, is now packed with pacifiers, bottles, diaper creams and boogie suckers.

As Gunnar snuggled beside me on the couch tonight, I realized how different their lives are about to become too. I worry that they will be sad that they are no longer highest on the totem pole. I know they will love Anelya, but I am experiencing a certain level of guilt that I won't be able to give them all of the attention I give them now. I am glad they have each other.

My kitchen is a mess right now. For some reason I cannot muster the energy to clean it up. I can barely look at a picture of Anelya without crying. I miss her so much and, after 7 weeks away from her, I feel somewhat paralyzed. I just cannot wait to get my daughter home. One week from now Dad and I will be halfway through our layover in Almaty, waiting to board the plane to Semey. We will be just hours away from reuniting with Anelya once and for all. That moment will be the beginning of the rest of my life. Until then, I will live for that moment.