Decision to Travel "Blind"

This post is more for friends and family, than for those of you who join me in our search for our children, as you already know all of this.

Kazakhstan is a little different from other adoptive countries in that as a policy, the government does not recognize referrals, or the typical matching situation one thinks of when adopting. Most people assume that when PAPs travel they know who they will be adopting. In Kazakhstan adoption, there is still an option to request a referral, but it is never guaranteed that you will actually be able to adopt that child until you are in country and have been granted the sole right to bond with the child, by the governing official.

The other option, the preferred one by my agency and the government, is to "travel blind" or travel to select. I have decided that this option suits me best and I am excited and relieved to have chosen to take this route. What this means is that I will be assigned a region and, when a baby or babies who meet my preferences (female, under 18 mos, preferably under 12 mos, with only minor correctable health concerns) I will fly as soon as possible to the region where I will be presented with these babies. I will then choose the baby based on my own instincts and knowledge, along with the help of an International Adoption doctor who will assess the health information we have. I want to be clear that I feel this is the right decision for ME, but for those who prefer to travel with a referral, I completely support them as well. Only we know what is right for us.

How will you ever be able to choose? Is the question I hear again and again. Those of you who know me, know that I have learned in recent years to surrender my need for control to a higher power, which I call, the universe. Learning to do this has helped me nurture my own trust for my instincts and that I am exactly where I am meant to be at all times. I am extremely conscious and observant of the paths presented to me, but trust that allowing things to unfold as they may is more beneficial to my lifestyle.

There are some risks to traveling blind. What if I get there and there are no girls who meet my preferences? Then what? Do I adopt a boy? A toddler girl? these are all questions that I am working through with myself and my coordinator. No matter whom I bring home, I know that she will be the child I am meant to parent and I will do it wholeheartedly. If Lily happens to be (or have HAHAHA) a Willy, then that is what the universe meant for me and I accept the baby with open arms. I do think, however, that it is crucial to believe in the agency you are working with and that i do. I am still thrilled with my decision to use Little Miracles and have full faith in them that we will work together in a way which will properly prepare me to make the right decision.

Which brings me to the next part of this subject. Because I will be faced with the decision of choosing what child is right for me and whom I am right for, I have decided to ask my mother to remain in the apartment that day so that I can make that decision on my own, with no bias. I feel this needs to be my decision. Once i have made that decision, I will be thrilled to introduce my mom to her granddaughter and she will be welcome to bond with us as a family the entire trip. When I brought this up to my mom I was a little nervous that I would hurt her feelings. Instead she said, "Thank GOD. I don't know if I could have done it."

So, once again, all is well with the world. Blind travel it is.