6 Weeks Home and Feeling Nostalgic

As I sit here in my jammies at 7:00p.m. on a Friday, I am thinking about all that has happened in the past six weeks. Yes, we've been home for 6 weeks today! Just as promised, Anelya's Certificate of U.S. Citizenship arrived today. It was so exciting to receive it in the mail and it literally brought me to tears. That paper completes our adoption and immigration processes. It is such an amazing time for us. We are together, having a complete blast and have the holidays just around the corner.

This adoption process has consumed my entire life for two full years, as I made the decision to adopt two years ago this week. As I say hello to this wonderful, new life that I now share with Anelya, I find myself bidding farewell to my old life which was a roller coaster of ups and downs, tireless effort to make things happen, and an indescribable pain in my heart and gut waiting for this child whom I have loved since long before I met her. In a way, ending the process is a great relief. On the other hand, I find myself somewhat mourning the highs and lows of the anticipation. I am sure those of you who have adopted can relate.

Today I am reliving Gotcha Day; thinking about what it was like to be greeted by a thrilled Anelya, all dress up in her French pink footie pajamas and matching hat. I am thinking of watching Alia, one of her caregivers, say goodbye to her and smelling her with closed eyes without saying a word. I am remembering how exhilarating it was to introduce Anelya to my father, whom she took to straight away. I remember those little standard issue overalls that tie at the shoulders, with the baby group number in permanent marker in the crotch so as not to get misplaced in the laundry. I am so happy I brought one of those home.

I am missing the Clark/Gilpatrick family tonight, thinking of all of the amazing experiences we have shared and how I never expected that this experience would extend my family in such a profound way. I miss Kalamkas and her glimmer in her eyes, always concocting a plan. I miss Kazakhstan, my daughter's birth country, which gave me an unimaginable gift. I miss the staff in Semey who took such good care of us. I miss the complete lack of logic.

So tonight, as I sit here more happy and content than I have ever felt, I bid farewell to a process which has changed who I am forever. This process was my pregnancy; my birth experience. This process gave my life meaning. And so, for all of the ups and downs, the excitement, the tears, smiles, and laughs; for all of the people it brought close together for the love of one child; for making me a better person; for making me a mother; for Anelya, I thank the adoption process. I will miss you.