For a year and a half now, I have been so patient and spiritual about this adoption. I have watched as my fellow PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) have traveled to Kazakhstan, met their babies, gone to court, returned home, then back to Kazakhstan to bring their children home. I have been happy for every one of them. I am proud of that.
Does it make me a bad person that I feel frustrated and sad, even angry at times, that now it MUST be MY TURN! I guess I am feeling that way about a lot of things in my life right now. Isn't it my turn to meet my child? Isn't it my turn to meet my prince? Isn't it my turn to move forward with my life?
Many of you may not recognize this side of me. I am usually a very positive person, always looking for the lessons that I am meant to learn. But at what point does it become ok to just say, I am tired of learning. I am tired of trying. I want some results from all of the hard work I have put into myself during the last several years.
What it comes down to is that it IS my turn. And I feel my turn is approaching. I don't expect it to be this summer, but I DO expect it to be this year. I HOPE it will be this year.
This afternoon I will go to my first real golf lesson with the pro here in town. I am very excited about this. I have always wanted to play golf and I am glad that I have chosen to learn some things about the game this summer, my last summer without a child.
I want to ask all of you to pray for me and for Lily. I want to ask you to please pray that she be well cared for while she is waiting for me. Pray that I have continued patience during the process. And please pray for things to move forward in all aspects of my life. I don't often ask for prayers, but right now, I need all the prayers I can get.
Our Time in Semey - In Pictures
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1 comment:
I would tell you to stay patient and that the right time will come, but you already know that. It's just that, somewhere along the line there is still a piece of the puzzle missing. Have faith - it WILL happen!
As for the part about being a single parent - you will manage it beautifully! Being alone when it comes down to the big decisions along the way is not easy, but it makes you stronger and more confident in your role. And I think that you have two big advantages here; firstly, like you said, you have set out on this journey as a single parent so you have really thought it through. You are as prepared as you can possibly be. And secondly, you seem to have an amazing network of family and friends who will be able to support you even more once Lily is with you than they are already doing in your preparations and waiting.
You will be fine and everything will turn out the way it was always supposed to.
Lots of hugs
Pernilla
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