One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, I sat at my desk feeling pretty down about life. I had struggled through a tough few months and feared that my adoption process was at a stand-still. I puttered through my day, trying to stay positive but feeling generally hopeless. Then, at 4:40p.m. my phone rang. The caller id said private caller, that number which always made my heart skip a beat because chances were it was probably my agency. And it was:

"Hello?"
"Hi Andrea! How are you?"
"I'm ok. how are you?"
"Go read your e-mail. I want to be on the phone when you do."

In my inbox was an email from my coordinator. In additions to some basic information about a baby girl (as she had some serious health issues, they needed to be sure I'd be willing to travel for her), I found these pictures:

A newborn Anelya at the Maternity Hospital #2

and pictures of her taken the previous day playing in her baby group at the baby house

5.5 months old

I immediately knew this was my daughter. I recognized her face as the one I had seen every time I had closed my eye for 1.5 years. For once in my life, I was speechless. I just sat there, shaking so hard I dropped the phone and weeping. My boss came out to see who had died. "This is my daughter," I told him, "I just had a baby."

With that, I immediately grabbed my bag and jumped in the car to go to my parents' house up the street. I pulled in ran into the house and said, "Come here!" As my parents gathered around the computer wondering what the heck was going on, I pulled up the pictures of their granddaughter. It was quite a moment.

As I think back to that moment, a series of flashbacks accompany the memory. I remember frantically stalking the FedEx driver to see if she had my visa/passports. Looking at the map on the airplane, updating me as to how far we were from landing in Kazakhstan, my daughter's birth country. I think of that moment on August 10, 2009 while speaking with the Baby House Director and watching my lawyer walk through the door with a 15 lb Anelya in her arms, wearing pink jammies and a white baker's cap. I remember being so thrilled I was with her the first time she stayed sitting up and the other time when she stopped breathing in my arms and I ran to the infirmary with bare feet and my baby in my arms begging for help. And the judge declaring that my petition to adopt Anelya had been granted; that I was her mother. Leaving Anelya, my heart, halfway across the world for the most agonizing 8 weeks of my life. I remember reuniting with her and how she remembered me right away and said, "MAMAMAMAMAMAMA" when she saw me across the room. And I remember walking through immigration at Boston's Logan Airport only to be greeted by 22 friends and family members with signs and balloons.

And today my sweet Anelya turned 18 months old. I don't know how that happened so fast. It seems surreal that such a long time has passed so incredibly quickly and yet, it feels as if I have never been without her. I'm not sure I remember what it was like not to have Anelya with me, but I'm not sure I want to either. Happy 1.5 year Birthday, Anelya. Without a doubt, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.